page 3

  Synthophonitis: There are two recognized forms of Synthophonitis; Synthophonitis-A and Synthophonitis-B.
  Mick Emery's "Eugene the Magical Synthophone"  

Synthophonitis-A: Also known as Synthophonoringinitis.  It was generally thought to be similar to tinnitus or “ringing in the ears”.  Research has proven this theory incorrect, however, when it was discovered that Synthophonatics are actually hearing the Synthophone being played in their mind, even while at rest, and this stimulates the bones in the inner ear to produce sound!


Synthophonitis-B: The “jonesing” effect of wanting a Synthophone after seeing or hearing one.  This is an un-nerving feeling. A gnawing in the pit of the stomach, if you will, that is never satisfied until one acquires a Synthophone.

  Synthophonxiety: A state of anxiousness that ALL Synthophonatics must endure until their instrument arrives.  This includes: irritability, nervousness, loss of appetite, sexual dysfunction, sleeplessness, nightmares, cold sweats, weight loss, anxiety attacks, hospitalization (re: the “Boston Incident” ) & even hair loss. (re: robosax )
  Synthophonaholic: A Synthophonatic who has gone “over the edge”.  It doesn’t matter how much they play or what they play, it’s what happens to them when they play.  Acute Synthophonaholism has resulted in broken marriages, loss of employment, loss of home, arrests & hospitalization. Some states have even issued tickets for D.W.S.! (driving while Synthophoning)
A Synthophonaholic knows that “one note is too many and a thousand is not enough."
  << back

turn >>

    copyright © 2006 Mick Emery