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  Synthophonaphobia: Fear (real or imagined) of the Synthophone & all things Synthophonic.  An acute,
sometimes chronic, physical, mental & emotional malady for which there is no known cure.


aaah! a flute sound came from your sax!  I'm scared !!

One who is afflicted with Synthophonophobia.  These are generally, but not always, musicians.  The mental & emotional characteristics of Synthophonophobics are readily apparent when they utter phrases such as: “WHAT'S THAT THING???” or commonly refer to the Synthophone erroneously as a saxophone.  This is also an indication that the “poor eyesight” phase of the disease is onset.

Synthophonophobics are also easily identifiable physically - by their thin heads. 
The head retains normal shape below the nose.  This is to insure that the mouth is not impaired.  However, the top portion of the head is extremely thin. Some have a width of only ONE INCH between the ears!!  The skull has morphed through evolution to accommodate the narrow mind.  The eyes, because of this thinning, have moved to the outer side of the head and resemble certain types of goldfish.  Some that have been seen have also been described as a “long neck light bulb – turned upside down.”  Another description includes, “a winced faced that has just sucked lemon.” (a.k.a. Mick’s ex- mother-in-law syndrome )  One should not confuse Synthophonophobics with “pin heads” while there are many similarities, "pin heads" have hope because they are only stupid.

Synthophonophobics are to be pitied and understood - but not necessarily tolerated.  Scientists believe a “tough love approach” may hold hope for their condition to improve.  Improvement is all one can expect, since there is no known cure.

  Synthophonophoria: The state of complete ecstasy achieved while playing the Synthophone.  Some of the “masters” are even said to be able to achieve this state merely by touching the Synthophone!
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    copyright © 2006 Mick Emery